Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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