I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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