Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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