Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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