it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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