Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
