Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Randomize
