peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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