You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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