UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
