Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
