Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
