I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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