so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
