DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
