I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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