Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think a kid would responsible me up
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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