I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
