Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
