finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
This baby is an asshole
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize