I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
