Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You dont lie about slip and slides
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
