What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
