Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
only if we run a train.
done.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
