I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
