do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
