its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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