I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
