We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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