david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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