Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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