please come you make the beer taste better
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
