I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
