In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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