I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
