i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
