I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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