i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
