I heard we made out
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
