Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The air was thick with penises
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
