just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
