why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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