Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
