New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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