So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
