He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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