in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
