I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
