I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
