I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
