Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
