y did u give ur computer a hand job?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
