Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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