Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
