So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
pray to the hookup gods
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
