it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
