I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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