I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
