You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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