i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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