I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
