How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
