I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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