U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize