remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
