i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
