New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
