After last night, I could never be a politician.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
